Admirals by the dozen
I am the monarch of the sea,
The ruler of the Queen's navee,
Whose praises Britain loudly chants …
And so do his sisters and his cousins and his aunts,
His sisters and his cousins and his aunts …
IN OUR FORUM page last week an apparently authoritative letter-writer said the South African Navy, with its handful of craft, now has more than 60 admirals, one of whom told a parliamentary committee that submarines are necessary so we have the capacity to give the Americans a bloody nose.
Somebody please, please tell me this is not what it seems; it's got something to do with the launch of a Gilbert & Sullivan season.
While at anchor here I ride,
My bosom swells with pride,
And I snap my fingers at the foeman's taunts …
And so do his sisters and his cousins and his aunts,
His sisters and his cousins and his aunts ..
Astonishing flood
NOSTALGIA'S not what it used to be. Mention of the cigarettes issued to the troops during World War II has unleashed an astonishing flood of reminiscence about long-forgotten brands such as Springbok, Commando, Westminster 85, Viceroy, Gold Flake, Gold leaf, Venus, and Needle Point.
It seems dozens of readers pine for the days they smoked behind the bicycle sheds. Schoolboy naughtiness seems to have been a key ingredient.
One reader even recalls Woodbines, which were issued to the troops during World War I – thin cigarettes, about the thickness of a lemonade straw, which used about half the tobacco of a normal cigarette.
Some schoolboys seem to have been seasoned smokers. Stan Shawe, of Illovo Beach, grew up in the then Southern Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe) where a packet of10 Star cost a penny.
"I got sixpence a week pocket money and that was enough to keep me in cigarettes for a week at least and I was at nine years of age a heavy smoker, at least 10 to 15 a day.
"I gave up smoking 60 years ago plus and have had no desire to resume."
That's the way, Stan. Cold turkey!
Speak up
IT ALL REMINDS reader Errol Brien of an incident at United Tobacco Company, where his father worked. The sales manager during the war years was a certain "Dolly" d'Almeida, a character of note. The general manager was quite the opposite.
A very important customer was to pay them a visit. Dolly told the GM that as this customer was almost completely deaf, he was inclined to shout rather than to converse normally.
On arrival the VIP customer was intercepted by Dolly and given the same story about the GM and then taken in and introduced to him..
The staff then gathered outside the GM's office, and with great glee listened to the two men bellowing at each other until they were hoarse.
As I say, schoolboy naughtiness seems to go with smoking. Kattekwaad .
Moderation
MEANWHILE, Stephen Clark sends in a very old advertisement that proclaims: "More doctors smoke Camels than any other cigarette." It's astonishing in today's world, amusing.
But Stephen, who is a policeman, has a serious point to make as a third generation pipe smoker.
Smoking does have its dangers and pitfalls, he says (beyond filling and lighting a pipe while riding a motorcycle), but is it really dangerous to those around you? He can't smoke his pipe at an open cricket stadium yet drunken thugs can get into a fight and possibly injure his son sitting nearby.
People seem proud to drive over the legal alcohol limit. They have no qualms about getting completely hammered and misbehaving in front of their families.
"I have never attended a complaint of domestic violence attributed to tobacco smoking."
He says he can go to a restaurant and drink copiously, without being cautioned about driving his family home in that state.
"But dare I light one cigarette in the same restaurant outside the 'smoking' area and I will invoke the ire of patrons and staff. Which is the most immediate danger?
"I am not a rabid anti-drinker. I believe everything has its place in moderation."
Tailpiece
WHY DOESN'T Mexico have much of an Olympic team? Everyone who can run, jump and swim is already in the US.
Last word
It was such a lovely day I thought it a pity to get up.
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