Thursday, March 2, 2017

The Idler, Friday, March 3, 2017

See ya later, alligator

A FLORIDA man playfully threw a live 1m alligator into the drive-thru window of a Wendy's eatery. It happened in the town of Loxahatchee.

But the Wendy's people and the US marshals didn't see the joke. The marshals arrested Joshua James, 24, and have charged him with assault with a deadly weapon and unlawful possession and transportation of an alligator, according to the local TV station WPTV

According to the incident report, James pulled up to the window at a Wendy's and placed an order for a drink. After he got the beverage, investigators said he tossed the alligator, which he had in the back of his truck, into the restaurant's kitchen.

Florida Fish and Wildlife Investigators tracked him down using information on the receipt he was issued.

The alligator was removed from Wendy's and dropped into a nearby canal.


Joshua told police he picked up the 'gator on the side of the road.

Linda James, the suspect's mother, says her son was just joking around. "It was just a stupid prank. He does stuff like this because he thinks it's funny."

Exactly. A 1m alligator? Is this a deadly weapon? It's not much bigger than one of our leguaans, which people used to regularly throw into Mick's Pie Cart down at the old Durban station in days of yore and Twiggy's Pie Cart in Maritzburg.

Where's their sense of fun? Boys will be boys.

Kung Fu

THE martial art of Kung Fu has taken a sinister turn in China. In the city of Luoyang, a branch of the sport has emerged, calling itself "Iron Crotch Kung Fu."

Yes, its exponents specialise in kicking one another in the groin. What's more, they practise a lot, gritting their teeth as they learn how to take the kicks. It doesn't bear description but the Huffington Post has some excruciating videos of it on their website. The training involves a battering ram, among other things.

Kung Fu Master Wei Yaobin is quoted: "I insist on doing it every day. I believe it builds up resistance and I have less fever and colds than before."

Wow! Better even than vitamin C?

Crotch-kicking is not entirely unknown in Durban, of course. But it is informal, not codified and controlled ss in Kung Fu. The damsels of the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties often indulge in it when irritated by the menfolk, and it can be spectacular.

Kung Fu Master Wei Yaobin should pay a visit. It's a great way to keep a cold at bay.

Events abroad

INTERNATIONAL analysis. The House of Lords has voted down Theresa May's bill to allow the launching of the Brexit process. A game of ping-pong with the House of Commons has begun.

It becomes increasingly obvious that the Brits went into the Brexit referendum without the foggiest clue what it really means, how it can be achieved and what the final cost will be.

In America, President Trump says he's going to cut taxes, increase defence spending 10%, launch a trillion-dollar infrastructure programme and build a wall round Mexico.

Huh? With tax cuts and with national debt already at record levels?

Maybe it's time for a spread bet with the bookies – no Brexit, no wall round Mexico.

Bunker farm

BRITISH police have found thousands of cannabis plants, valued at more than £1 million (R16 million), in an underground nuclear bunker built in Wiltshire during the 1980s to protect government officials and VIPs in the event of nuclear attack.

Six people, a 15-year-old boy and five men ranging in age to 45, have been arrested.

The police say  rooms had been converted to growing and processing cannabis on a massive scale.

Hey, like cool man. No nukes. Roll a joint, make love not war …






PADDY is overweight. The doctor puts him on a diet.

"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a full day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 2kg."

When Paddy returns, he shocks the doctor. He's lost almost 25kg.

"That's amazing, Did you follow my instructions?"

Paddy nods. "I'll tell yah though, I tought I were goin te drop dead on dat tird day."

"From hunger?"

"No, all dat damned skippin!"



Last word


I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision.

Eleanor Roosevelt


No comments:

Post a Comment