A python in her bed
A LONDON woman got the fright of her life when she woke up to find a python snuggled up next to her in bed. The 1m royal python was perfectly happy but had his slumber rudely disturbed as the woman screamed and ran for the telephone to call the Royal Society for the Protection of Animals.
An RSPCA collection officer arrived but by that time the snake had disappeared. The following evening she was called back again, and this time she managed to catch the python in a corridor of the woman's flat in Kensington, West London, according to Sky News.
The python is almost certainly an escaped pet, according to the RSPCA, the owner probably living very close by.
A terrifying experience for that woman to wake with a python in bed beside her. Of course, the python can't talk so we'll never get his version.
(And shame on you, those who expected something different after that headline).
Political analysis
ZIMBABWE goes to the polls today. Will Emmerson "The Crocodile" Mnangagwa make it in true democracy?
He's tainted with plenty from the Mugabe era. But then he has the considerable prestige of having at last put boot to the ancient posterior of Mugabe and his dreadful wife, who was set to succeed him.
Why is he called "The Crocodile"? I've always half-imagined his name Mnangagwa, must be a version of the Zulu "ingwenya", which means crocodile.
But it seems my half-imaginings have been only half-right. His actual nicknames in the Zimbabwean vernacular are "Garwe" or "Ngwena" (sho' nuff!), both of which mean crocodile.
But initially that was the name of the guerilla group he founded. The faction within Zanu-PF that supports him is called "Lacoste" after the French clothing company whose logo is a crocodile.
Political analysis takes us down some strange paths. I wonder, does Mnangagwa wear Croc shoes?
Stripy row
THERE'S the dickens of a row over a zoo in Egypt that is accused of painting stripes on donkeys and calling them zebras. Their ears seem too large and their muzzles are grey in colour instead of black.
A student photographed one of the suspect zebras and put it on the internet, where it's gone viral. The zoo – the International Garden, in Cairo – denies any verneukery but an Egyptian vet insists these are donkeys.
According to Huffington Post, it's happened before in the region. In 2010, a zoo in Gaza was found to have painted stripes on two donkeys it bought because they were very much cheaper than zebras.
What do we make of it? Maybe there's a clue in the Fanagalo definition of a zebra: "Lo donki khona lo football jezi."
Fixations
OVERHEARD IN THE Street Shelter for the Over-Forties: "They say that mean think only about sex. That's not true. They're also fixated on power, world domination, money, football and beer."
Titans
A STORY comes all the way from 1923 – 95 years ago – with a moral attached.
In America, the Titans of 1923 were:
· The president of the largest steel company – Charles Schwab, who was eventually to die a pauper.
· The president of the largest gas company – Edward Hopson, who went insane.
· The greatest wheat speculator – Arthur Cooger, who died abroad penniless.
· The president of the New York Stock Exchange – Richard Whitney, who was released from prison to die at home.
· The Great Bear of Wall Street – Cosabee Livermore, who committed suicide.
However, in that same year, 1923, the PGA champion and winner of the US Open, was Gene Sarazen.
What became of him?
He played golf until he was 92 and died in 1999 at the age of 95, financially secure.
The moral: Forget work – play golf!
Tailpiece
A TEACHER is giving a lesson in logic.
"Here is the situation." she says. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in and begins splashing ad yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
Little girl: "To draw out all his savings."
Last word
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.
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