Here we go!
CRUSADERS tomorrow in Christchurch. Once more unto the breach, dear friends … Rugby is an unpredictable game played for 80 minutes with an awkwardly bouncing oval ball. Anything can happen.
Yes, Crusaders are the current Super Rugby champions. Yes, they're currently top of the log, favourites to win again. They've lost two games all season, the Sharks have lost eight.
But every run of success has to end somewhere. Has any side in the competition produced match-winning sustained tackling the way the Sharks have, notably against the Lions and the Jaguares in recent weeks? That could well turn out to be the key.
Much depends also on the yo-yo factor, which has governed the Sharks' performance this season. Can we this time do it twice in a row?
Let's be positive. Let us draw on that great rugby pep talk by Shakespeare:
Then imitate the action of the tiger;
Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood,
Disguise fair nature with hard-favour'd rage …
… Now set the teeth and stretch the nostril wide,
Hold hard the breath and bend up every spirit
To his full height …
'Erewego, 'erewego, 'erewego!
Dry canal
OOPS! A boater accidentally drained a stretch of the Kennet and Avon Canal, in England, after leaving all the lock gates open, according to the BBC.
A section of the waterway was left with hardly any water this week near the Barge Inn in Seend, Wiltshire.
The Canal and River Trust confirmed that what happened was not malicious but the boater was "rushing and left the paddles up".
The lock paddles "work like a plug on a bath in allowing water in and out of the locks," a spokesman for the Trust explained. The Trust had since restored the water levels.
I wonder. Could a session at the Barge Inn have had anything to do with the forgetfulness of leaving the paddles up?
Double-dating
THE North Korean leader, Kim Jong-un, is "upset" and "hurt" that Donald Trump is seeing other dictators, according to the New Yorker.
"According to an aide close to the North Korean leader, Kim was 'devastated' to see images of Trump warmly embracing another dictator in Helsinki on Monday, just one month after jetting off to Singapore to spend a memorable and intense five hours with Kim.
"Shortly after their time together, aides close to Kim warned him against becoming emotionally attached to Trump, alerting Kim to press reports linking the American to many other dictators.
"'He's been quoted saying nice things about Xi Jinping and Rodrigo Duterte, to name just two,' one aide said. 'Trump could never commit to just one dictator. When it comes to autocrats and strongmen, he's a total player.'"
Still, despite all the red flags, seeing Trump in the clutches of another dictator left Kim "deeply wounded," aides said.
"'Donald Trump said that he and I had a special bond,' Kim reportedly said, choking back tears. 'I guess that meant something different to him than it did to me.'"
Yes, this is satirist Andy Borowitz again. Only he could spot the romantic element in current international issues.
Ha ha, m'lud
MORE of Rosemarie Jarski's Great British Wit. Topic: Justice.
· In England, justice is open to all, like the Ritz hotel. – James Mathew
· The quality of mercy is not strained, but I can recommend the cabbage. – Barry Cryer
· To escape jury duty in England, wear a bowler hat and carry a rolled-up copy of the Daily Telegraph. – John Mortimer
· I have come to regard the law courts not as a cathedral but rather as a casino. – Richard Ingrams
Tailpiece
A WILD-LOOKING man in a Napoleonic costune, and holding his hand inside his coat, goes into a psychiatrist's rooms and says: "Doctor, I need your help right away."
"I can see that. Please lie down on the couch and tell me your problem."
"I have no problem," he snaps. "In fact I am the Emperor of France. I have everything I could possibly want. But I'm afraid my wife, Josephine, has deep psychological problems."
"I see. And what seems to be the problem?"
"For some strange reason she thinks she's Mrs Smith."Here we go!
Last word
To knock a thing down, especially if it is cocked at an arrogant angle, is a deep delight of the blood.
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