Test cricket wins again
LET NOBODY say test cricket is boring. Take last week's Third Test at Newlands. We had Jacques Kallis's sublime double ton plus a harvest of centuries and high scores from both sides. We had some superlative catching and fielding. We had Vernon Philander's breakthrough seam bowling on an unresponsive wicket. We had our mammoth first innings and Sri Lanka's brave and gritty fight-back to make us bat again.
There was also comedy. Sri Lankan skipper Tillakaratne Dilshan won the toss and sent us in to bat on a wicket that made a pancake look positively mountainous. That's a rib-tickler. We had Graeme Smith and Elviro Pietersen striding out to chase down a victory target of two runs. This is knockabout stuff.
The script called for a no-ball and a wide and, sure enough, Dhammika Prasad provided the no-ball with his first delivery, though Pietersen drove it to the boundary for the extra run needed.
This is high comedy mixed in with great and serious cricket. What more could you provide by way of entertainment? The chorus line of the Folies Bergere? Well, maybe – but even that wouldn't steal the show.
Expert analysis
MOST of us, I'm sure, are totally baffled by the system of caucuses and primaries by which American voters decide who the Republican candidate will be in this year's presidential election. What does it actually mean, for instance, when Mitt Romney beats Rick Santorum by eight votes in the Iowa caucus?
On the spot analysis by an expert is required. I bring you (from his website) American satirist Andy Borowitz.
"Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney was overjoyed today after finishing the Iowa caucuses in a virtual tie with a walking joke who wears sweater vests.
"'The eight people have spoken!' exclaimed Mr. Romney, who was joined by supporters celebrating his .0006 percent margin of victory.
"The former Massachusetts governor put the best face on his razor-thin lead, telling supporters: 'Say what you will, but eight votes is still six more than Rick Perry can count.'
"Historians noted that the last time so few people decided a presidential race they were all on the Supreme Court.
"As for the other candidates, runner-up Rick Santorum said that he had received a phone call from President Obama: 'He stopped laughing just long enough to say congratulations.'
"Representative. Michele Bachmann told supporters: 'I don't know the meaning of the word surrender. Also, the words science, math, apple and cat.'"
(It would appear that Rep Bachmann has since consulted a dictionary. She's withdrawn from the contest).
And there you have it in a nutshell.
Nature corrects
ANTELOPE, elephants, leopards and lions are grazing and reproducing again in the Majete Wildlife Reserve, according to this news report from Malawi. It follows a repopulation project "of biblical proportions" by the African Parks Network.
This is surely most welcome, another rolling back of the depredations on wildlife and the environment; another victory for the cause of conservation and sustainability.
But if the leopards and lions have taken to grazing, is there not a great risk of eventual over-population at Majete?
Unless, of course, the wildebeest and impala have turned carnivorous. Nature always corrects.
Python on diet
DID YOU EVER get that feeling over the festive season that you're like a python who's swallowed a buck and you want to stretch yourself between two trees?
That's how a huge python named Atomic Betty was beginning to feel. Atomic Betty, who lives in a wildlife park in Gosford, Australia, was chowing 10 goats a year, taking about half an hour to swallow each one then a week to digest it. But she was getting a bit plump.
The zoo-keepers decided she needed to diet and last year cut her down to three or four goats a year. Just before New Year they held a big weigh-in – it took about six keepers to lift and hold Betty – and it's been a success, her weight is down.
But Betty has a decidedly hungry look. They need to keep counting their keepers at Gosford.
Tailpiece
TWO BLONDES are playing pool. They play for three hours without sinking a single ball.
One asks: "Do you wanna cheat?"
"Cheat what way?"
"Let's remove the triangle."
Last word
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
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