The Amazing Spider-Man
SCIENTISTS in the US are trying to breed silkworms to produce silk as strong as that used by comic book hero The Amazing Spider-Man to snare bad guys and swing between city skyscrapers.
It seems that in weight for weight terms spider silk is stronger than steel. But spiders can't be farmed for their silk because they don't produce enough and they tend to eat one another anyway. Silkworms seem a better bet – but you have to breed silkworms that produce silk as tough as spider silk. That's what they're working on.
But I suspect they're on the wrong track. Don't they know The Amazing Spider-Man got his powers through being bitten by a radio-active spider? Where did you ever hear of a radio-active silkworm?
No, there's no substitute for The Amazing Spider-Man. Without his efforts, society is at the mercy of The Chameleon, The Vulture, Doctor Octopus, The Sandman, The Lizard, Electro, Mysterio, the Green Goblin, Kraven the Hunter, The Scorpion, The Rhino, The Shocker, The Kingpin, The Jackal, The Hobgoblin, Venom, Carnage and The Sinister Six.
We can't afford to take chances.
Spirit level
MEANWHILE, scientists in Scotland tell us Loch Ness is like a giant spirit level. It tilts back and forth as the whole country bends with the passing of the tides. When combined with the direct gravitational tug of the moon and sun, the loch surface goes up and down by 1.5mm.
Whoops, I'm queasy!
Reverse flow
THE BRITISH Isles have been struck by fearsome winter gales. At a place called Great Dun Fell, in the Pennines – which separate Yorkshire and Lancashire – a waterfall instead of gushing down flowed upwards and into the sky.
Ee, ba goom! Can you Howick folk beat that?
Merry England
THERE are concerns about the Sealyham terrier, the tough little Welsh blighter who is one of the best ratters in the world. Only 49 Sealyhams were bred in Britain last year, putting them in danger of extinction as a breed. Yet once they were popular with royalty and Hollywood celebrities alike. King George V and Princess Margaret owned Sealyhams. So did Humphrey Bogart, Elizabeth Taylor, Cary Grant and director Alfred Hitchcock, who was accompanied by two of his dogs in one of his cameo walk-ons.
The Sealyham was bred in Pembrokeshire early in the 19th century by Captain John Edwardes from the Dendie Dimont terrier, the West Highland white terrier, the Welsh corgi, the fox terrier and the English white terrier (now extinct).
The dramatic change is attributed to new fashions, the availability of chic new breeds and the absurdly PC veterinary ruling that tails may not be docked. Many terrier enthusiasts would rather do without than have a long-tailed terrier.
Now a man named Harry Parsons has founded a Working Sealyham Terrier Club and is campaigning to raise the dogs' profile and save the bloodline from dying out. He says that would be to lose a bit of "merry old England".
Strength to his elbow! There have been reports that No 10 Downing Street has a problem with rats. Harry needs to get around there with a pack of Sealyhams and set them to it. Don't worry what Mrs Cameron has to say about it, the publicity will be marvellous. Suh, boys, suh! Merry England must be rescued!
Hold your breath!
CONFRONTATION looms in the Gulf of Hormuz. The Far East holds its breath at what might happen in North Korea. Syria goes through paroxysms of brutality and violence.
And British TV celebrity Imogen Thomas has put on three ounces over Christmas/New Year and is determined to diet. So there! She's got it out on Twitter for the world to know, including a shot of her in a bikini, showing the revolting 3oz bulge.
Let's get our priorities right.
Tailpiece
TWO ELDERLY ladies are eating breakfast in a restaurant. Ethel notices something odd about Mabel's ear. She says: ''Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"
Mabel: "I have a suppository in my ear?" She pulls it out and stares at it. "Ethel, I'm so glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid."
Last word
If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things.
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