The Idler, Monday, May 21, 2012

Bite that golden guinea

BAYERN Munich stadium was a cauldron of emotion as Chelsea snatched the European Cup. Twickenham cheered itself hoarse as Leinster ran away with it for the Heineken Cup. At Lord's, England were in the driving seat against the West Indies.

Very soon the Olympic Games start in London. Queen Elizabeth's diamond jubilee celebrations are getting into full swing.

Who would have thought Europe is facing a financial/economic crisis potentially as serious as the Great Depression of the thirties?

A feature of this crisis is that nobody seems able to fully explain how it happened, what can be done about it or indeed where it will end. The learned economists are silent. The talk emanating from the G8 summit is bravely upbeat yet empty.

How did it begin? Was it geekish commodity brokers who brought down the system by using computer technology to create and sell derivatives of betelnut from Gujarat, tequila from Mexico and nannygoat manure from Zululand?

Do we respond by conducting international finance in future with golden guineas that you bite to test their gold content?

What does Marx have to say about it? He says capitalism "dispels all fixity and security in the situation of the labourer … it constantly threatens ... to snatch from his hands his means of subsistence, and ... make him superfluous. We have seen ... how this [class] antagonism vents its rage ... in the incessant human sacrifices from among the working class, in the most reckless squandering of labour power and in the devastation caused by a social anarchy which turns every economic progress into a social calamity."³

Er, yes. I've always thought that. But maybe Wilkins Micawber in Dickens's David Copperfield hits the nail on the head: "Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen nineteen and six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery."

Yep, that could be it. Countries like Greece – and the whole of Europe – have been spending more than they have. The chickens are coming home to roost. The contagion could well spread.

What do we do? Well, there's always football, rugby and cricket.

 

Late payers

INVESTMENT analyst Dr James Greener is not entirely bowled over, in his latest grumpy newsletter, by President Zuma's frank admission that the government is slow to pay its bills.

"It really was quite unnecessary for our Pres to point out that his government is not paying its bills timeously. Far better if he had spent the time knocking heads together in his administration and got them to do their jobs.

"The difficulty is that many of us suspect that the bills don't get paid because the money has gone missing and not just because the clerk can't find the cheque book and a pen."

 

Thrifty thief

 

OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-40s: "My credit card's been stolen but I haven't reported it. The thief's spending much less than my wife."

 

 

Gac mops it up

IF YOU VISIT Columbia University, in the US, you can always make small talk about Virgil and Ovid with the fellow with the bucket and mop.

Gac Filipaj, a refugee from the civil war when Yugoslavia disintegrated, has worked for 20 years as a cleaner at the Ivy League university. Now he has graduated with a degree in Classics after a 14-year study programme integrated with his work.

Filipaj was warmly applauded by dons and fellow-students as the degree was conferred. He plans now to study for a Master's.

"As the warm water sloshes like a tidal wave across the flooring, gleaming and polished like the feathers of a diving comorant; as the suds gather like a descending avalanche of snow and with a swoosh of the mop as of an eagle's swift descent through the air …" – it's known as the Virgilian simile.

Tailpiece

TWO HUNTERS are swapping yarns in a lodge.

"What do you hunt mainly?"

"Unicorns."

"Unicorns? Wow, that specialised stuff."

"Sure is. You have to attract them. The funny thing is, they're attracted to virgins. You set down a virgin there in the forest and wait for a unicorn to come along.

"Wow, there can't be too many of them."

"Right. There aren't too many unicorns either."

Last word

 

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

Elvis Presley

 

Captain Cook Friday, May 18

IS THERE any limit to the rugby perspicacity of the Ukrainian lovelies of the Thunder Bar? Two weeks running, Katinka and her suspender belt have accurately predicted the course of events at King's Park – Patrick Lambie's full house, then the spectacular roll of last Saturday.

Word gets about. All kinds of people are now descending on the Thunder Bar and asking questions about rugby. Some have Aussie and Kiwi accents. Katinka says she was pestered at length by a fellow with a ragged moustache and smoking a corncob pipe. He was wearing a powder-blue safari suit with short pants and had a comb in his sock.

"Zey sink I'm fool? I grow up in Kiev, I can spot KGB from mile avay. No, ziss not KGB, ziss Free Stater vanting zer teeps for Saturday. Zey sink I'm fool? Ha, ha, ha! I tellink him all kinds horse manure, he go avay smilink. But he smile udder side face vhen final vhistle."

"Do you mean we'll pull it off again?"

"No kveschun! Ziss vill be a tough vun but vun ve vill vin. Beesmark, Yonnie und Be-e-e-a-a-ast! – zey iss zer key. Also votch Patrick, zer luffly boy, und Leewazi ze speed machine." Snap! Snap! She strummed the suspender belt. "Ve got lotsa moolah on it!"

Well, there you have it. Katinka's suspender belt, the Oracle of the Thunder Bar. And, uncannily, her assessment coincides with mine. Here's a side of huge potential who have begun to fire on all cylinders. The Star Trekkers last week (The Force be with you!) were a more than competent outfit and had a lot of possession. We were just beginning to get on top when those two opportunist Mvovo tries – 75-yard scorchers each – absolutely buried them.

Tomorrow will be a humdinger but we've got what it takes – and more. Here's a side that's beginning to make its own luck.

And what a feast of rugby! After the Free State Cheetahs game we have the Heineken Cup final at Twickenham – Ulster versus Leinster and sure to be another humdinger.

It's an all-Ireland final featuring those doughty Ulstermen Johann O'Muller (captain), Ruan O'Pienaar, Pedrie McWannenburg, Stefan Sean Seamus Terblanche and Robbie McDiack, all but one of whom are well known to we King's Park faithful. We will watch with close attention.

Meanwhile, I'm delighted to learn that Frans de Beer, Chairman of Duikers Rugby Club, is to be honoured for his contribution to rugby in this province.

Frans played for many years for Glenwood Old Boys. Then he coached them. Then he became a Natal selector and coach. He also, at various times, coached Maritzburg Collegians, Maritzburg Varsity, Cedara - and, of course, Duikers. This is a lot of time and effort – and love.

They're putting on a lunch for him at Riverside Sports Club, Durban North, on June 8. All rugby men (and gals) are welcome.

I contacted the organisers and offered to arrange for Katinka to jump out of the cake. This will be another humdinger!

The Idler, Friday, May 18

E-tolling at Cornubia

THE CITY and the provincial Department of Transport are in a scrap over who should pay multi-millions for road upgrading to serve the R20 billion Cornubia housing project up the North Coast, in particular the N2/M41 interchange at Umhlanga.

But the dispute is quite unnecessary. The obvious solution is to set up an e-tolling system and let the motorists pay.

We could borrow or buy some of the newfangled equipment that seems to be standing idle up in Gauteng at the moment, and Bob's your uncle. Problem solved!

What's that you say? Controversial? Huge public dissent? Court orders?

No, we can't be sidetracked by fuddy-duddies. We're in the digital age. We must use the technology available. We must move with the times.

E-tolling it is! Let's go! And damn the torpedoes!

Into the abyss

EUROPE looks into the abyss as the financial crisis in Greece threatens the stability of the entire EU. Spain is one of the countries always mentioned as possibly the next domino to fall if the crisis is not contained.

It's somehow reassuring then that the Spaniards and the Brits should still be squabbling over the status of Gibraltar. Normality. Some things don't change.

Now Queen Sofia of Spain has cancelled a visit to Britain for Queen Elizabeth's diamond jubilee because of the dispute.

The legend goes that the day the Barbary apes leave the Rock of Gibraltar will be the day the British leave. Maybe they should just do a count of the apes to decide the status of the Rock.

 

Aldis exchange

 

WHICH recalls the story from World War II when the giant liner Queen Elizabeth (the original one) steamed into the Straits of Gibraltar one evening. She had been commandeered as a troopship and was unmistakeable for her bulk and speed.

"What ship?" signalled the aldis lamp on Gibraltar.

"What Rock?" came the reply from Queen Elizabeth's bridge.

 

EP and Dick

 

HERE'S another long shot. Malcolm Hacksley, of Grahamstown, is trying to find out the name of a Durban woman who wrote quality verse under the initials "EP" 40 or 50 years ago.

 

Two privately published, soft-covered books of her verse were donated at some stage to the National English Literary Museum, in Grahamstown, with no date shown, no publisher, no place of publication, no ISBN number and – worst of all – no author, only the initials EP.

 

"She seems to have been married to a man named Dick," says Malcolm. "The problem now is to establish her identity.

 

"One of her very accomplished occasional verses is a poetic thank-you to all her helpers at the St Dunstan's fete in the Durban City Hall in mid-December one year. She seems to have been in charge of the Cakes and Bread and Puddings stall.

 

"The helpers she thanks include: Kay and Norah - who took the money; Morag - at whose ping-pong table much of the baking preparation seems to have occurred ; Ruth and Jean – sisters; Nell - who cut holly; and Vi - the 'fruit-cake queen'.

 

Does anyone out there remember an EP of literary bent who was married to Dick? Or her pals Kay, Norah, Morag, Ruth, Jean, Nell and Vi, all of whom worked at some stage for the St Dunstan's fete? Are any of them still around?

 

Does anyone have a clue who EP might have been? Malcolm would be glad to know.

 

SMS freaks

PEOPLE caught texting on their mobile phones while walking in the streets face being fined in the American town of Fort Lee, New Jersey. This follows a rise in jaywalking incidents where pedestrians wander into the street without looking where they are going because they are engrossed in sending text messages.

So far this year more than 20 jaywalkers have been hit by cars in Fort Lee.

To the SMS freaks should be added the zombies who wander about with earphones, listening to music with a vacant stare.

But the authorities could never achieve anything meaningful here. We just don't have in Durban the numbers of police that would be needed to issue tickets to the SMS/earphone music freaks who throng our pavements.

Tailpiece

NEWSFLASH - Irish divers have revisited the wreck of the Titanic. They're amazed that after 100 years the swimming pool is still full.

Last word

If one sticks too rigidly to one's principles, one would hardly see anybody.

Agatha Christie

 

The Idler, Thursday, May 17, 2012

Rabbits from the hat

HOW MANY more rabbits are going to pop out of the conjurer's hat at the Leveson inquiry into the British media?

Already we've learned that Prime Minister David Cameron used to go riding in the countryside on a horse loaned to Fleet Street figure Rebekah Brooks (now charged with defeating the ends of justice) by the London Metropolitan Police.

Now it now turns out that in the supposedly dour Gordon Brown era, the gals at least once got together in pyjamas at Chequers, official country residence of the British prime minister, for a "slumber party."

The party – I'd always thought such things were the preserve of American teenagers – was hosted by Brown's wife, Sarah. Guests included Wendi Deng, wife of Rupert Murdoch, proprietor of News International; Murdoch's daughter Elisabeth; and Rebekah Brooks.

What went on at the party? Midnight feasts? What kind of pyjama outfits did the gals wear? Silks and satins? Woolies? Fancy slippers? An intrigued world public would like to know.

Over to Murdoch himself: "It was probably nothing more than a bunch of women complaining about their husbands".

Which introduces male chauvinism and sexism. Now things are really serious.

Who and what will come out of the hat next? Was there ever such public entertainment since the Profumo affair? This one will run and run.

Financial wobbles

THE WORLD of finance was already wobbling over Greece and the Euro crisis when the woes of JP Morgan Chase the banking giant struck as a major squall, forcing the resignation of the CEO after decades of service.

Now satirist Andy Borowitz claims the CIA has been infiltrating al-Qaeda with executives from JP Morgan Chase.

"The mission, which the intelligence agency had hoped to keep secret, came to light this week when al-Qaeda dismissed two of its top officials who it said were responsible for 'unacceptably speculative' betting of the terror net's funds on credit default swaps.

"Across the intelligence community, the dismissals caught the attention of analysts, who thought such risky behaviour seemed out of character for al-Qaeda.

"'The first thing I thought was, this sounds more like the work of JP Morgan,' one analyst said, speaking on condition of anonymity. 'Al-Qaeda has a reputation for being madmen, but even for them these investments were crazy.'"

Oh boy! You don't know whether to laugh or cry.

New game

LOCAL raconteur Pat Smythe (aka Spyker Koekemoer) has developed a new board game. He calls it Westville Jail Monopoly. When you land on the "Go to jail!" square, you are allowed to turn up a card that reads: "Do not pass Go! Do not collect £200! Go straight to hospital!"

Tribute lunch

A GET-TOGETHER lunch of rugby people is planned for next month as a tribute to Frans de Beer, Chairman of Duikers Rugby Club.

The lunch will be at Riverside Sports Club (formerly Glenwood Old Boys), in Durban North, on Friday, June 8, the day before the first Test against England.

Frans is a fellow who has given a huge slice of his life to rugby. He played for Glenwood Old Boys for many years; then he coached them and went on to coach Natal and become a provincial selector. He also at various stages coached Maritzburg Collegians, Maritzburg University, Cedara and the Duikers themselves.

Duikers is a Corinthian club (modelled on the English Barbarians), dedicated to promoting the game in KwaZulu-Natal.

MC at the lunch will be Dick Muir, the former Natal and Springbok centre who Frans discovered for the Duikers while he was playing for Cedara. He was given a run with the Duikers – the Natal Under-23 side - and has never looked back.

Frans is a great raconteur, possessed of a phenomenal memory. If he gets going on rugby anecdotes, lunch could last until midnight.

Anyone with an interest in rugby is invited, including wives and girlfriends. Entrance will be R100, payable at the door. There are no bookings.

Tailpiece

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

Last word

 

Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it's worse when they are wearing dark glasses and have streamers in their antlers because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.

Ellen DeGeneres

 

The Idler, Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Cosmic black hole?

IN FRANCE a new President is sworn in. The same day, the number-crunchers produce the economic figures. Growth rate: zero.

Across in Greece, they can't even put together a government. Will the Greeks stay in the Euro currency zone? Will they revert to the drachma? Will Greece become the equivalent of a cosmic black hole, down which the economy of all Europe disappears?

Among the economists and political pundits there's total unanimity. They haven't a clue what's going on or what's likely to happen.

We live in interesting times.

Why not £sd?

IF GREECE reverts to the drachma, is it not time we considered reverting to pounds, shillings and pence. It makes economic sense.

At the time we went decimal, you could buy a pint of beer for 1s 6d (the equivalent of 15 cents). You could get a mixed grill on the beachfront for 4s 6d (45 cents). You could take a girl out to dinner for £1 (R2).

I rest my case.

Boskat rugby

THEY'RE holding a Rugby Day with a difference in Maritzburg on Saturday. On the programme are what promise to be some epic encounters: Cedara Ladies (traditionally known as the Boskatte) v Varsity Ladies; Varsity Alumni Over 40s v Varsity Rowers and Cricketers; Varsity "Thirsty Thirds" v Cedara College; UKZN Howard College v Waratahs RFC (the old Westmore Park); St Charles Under 7 v Pelham Under 7; a Moor Cup fixture – UKZN v Old Boys; then the Sharks v the Cheetahs on the big screen.

That's what you call a pretty comprehensive mix. I myself have never watched women's rugby – would I have the fortitude to watch the Boskatte in action? The programme starts at 10.30 am at Piet Booysen Park, in Golf Road. A beer garden and jumping castle for the kids (and maybe the Boskatte as well) will be laid on.

The programme has been arranged by Varsity Rugby as a fundraiser for the Jes Foord Foundation, which seeks to help the traumatised victims of rape. Jes herself, victim/survivor of a particularly brutal gang rape at Shongweni, will be there to hand out prizes.

Last week Jes visited the UKZN Rugby Club in Maritzburg and gave a moving and informative lecture on her ordeal and how she overcame it. The Rugby Club now plans to organise involving psychology students and honours students in counselling rape victims.

Jokes of yesteryear

 

A READER sends in some cuttings from an Idler's column of about 30 years ago when "ant" jokes were in vogue.

 

·         Fire extinguisher ant - hydrant.

·         Hibernating ant – dormant.

·         Beatnik ant - coolant.

·         Journalistic ant – pennant.

·         Mountaineering ant - piquant.

·         Religious ant – predikant.

·         Flying ant - flippant.

·         Ant that uses perfume - fragrant.

·         The first ant - Adamant.

·         Destitute ant - vagrant.

·          Russian fighter pilot ant - MIGrant.

·         Sensitive ant - vibrant.

·         Large ant - elephant.

 

Hey, them were the days. Around that time there were also the "ou" jokes:

 

·         Trio – an ou who lives in a tree.

·         Pillow – an ou who works in the chemist's.

·         Bellow – an ou who sells ice cream .

 

Etcetera etcetera, ad infinitum.

The bling set

THE YOBBOS are everywhere. Inhabitants of a Chinese provincial capital, Nanjing, are furious that somebody did wheelies in a Ferrari on a 600-year-old wall built during the Ming dynasty.

The authorities gave permission for a Ferrari 458 Italia to be displayed static on the Zhonghua Gate Tower. But it ended with the car doing "doughnuts" and wheelies on the historic ramparts, leaving rubber burns all over the place.

Ferrari say the culprit was a dealership employee, not one of their own. They are trying to repair the damage. But the incident has highlighted a growing rift in China between the wealthy bling set and ordinary folk.

Not just in China. In places like Florida Road, the wheelie set are not just obnoxious, they're an absolute menace.

Man going?

 

IAN GIBSON, poet laureate of Hillcrest, pens a few lines on the ANC's looming elective conference at Mangaung.

 

At Polokwane we saw a man go,

Sent off by Malema, you know;

And later this year,

There's a rumour we hear,

About yet another Man gaung.

 

 

Tailpiece

I GOT a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Last word

The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.

Will Rogers

 

The Idler, Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Gunfight at Natal Command

IT'S HIGH Noon. The two mean hombres walk slowly toward each other down the dusty main drag, hands hovering about the gunbelts. Durban is hushed.

It's Sunny Gayadin and Anant Singh, the two fastest guns in the East. There ain't room for the two of us in this here town.

Slap leather!

What a wonderful film script. I wonder where they'll shoot the footage? The old Natal Command site or the Constitutional Court?

Watch this space!

 

Fancy that!

INVESTMENT analyst Dr James Greener expresses astonishment in his latest grumpy newsletter that thousands of small businesses have failed to establish social and ethics committees.

"Well fancy that!" he says. "Thousands of small businesses are in flagrant defiance of the new Companies Act by failing to establish a Social and Ethics Committee. Isn't that just the most pressing thing to do when you are wondering if you will be able to meet this month's payroll because your customers in turn are ignoring your invoices? Perhaps they are busy setting up their own committees.

"In the meantime remember to register for The African Renaissance Conference which is happening down here in Durbs later this month. This will be a real blast with several cabinet ministers promised on the speakers list. When does anyone have time to do any work?"

Mum knows best

SOME quotes from the mothers of famous figures.

·        Paul Revere's mum: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight is past your curfew!"

·        Mona Lisa's mum: "After all that money your father and I spent on braces, Mona, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"

·        Humpty-Dumpty'S mum: "if I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me? No-o-o-o!"

·        Christopher Columbus's mum:I don't care what you've discovered, you still could have written!"

·        Michelangelo's mum: "Mike, can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"

·        Abraham Lincoln's mum: "Again with the stovepipe hat, Abe? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

·        Albert Einstein's mum: "But Albert, it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling, gel, mousse, something ...?"

·        Jonah's mum: "That's a nice story, but now tell me where you've really been for the last three days."

·        Superman's mum: "Clark, your father and I have decided you can have your own telephone line. Now will you quit spending so much time in all those phone booths?"

Painting prodigy

A FIVE-YEAR-OLD Australian girl has already earned more than £100 000 from her paintings. Aelita Andre – who is of Russian extraction – has been painting since she was two and her work has been exhibited in America as well as Australia..

The New York gallery where Aelita's work is displayed describes it as "contemplative and powerful, providing a window into the emancipated creative subconscious mind of a child."

I wonder what her bedroom walls look like.

 

Is this him?

Yesterday Garry Rabie asked if there's anyone who can help him trace US Marine Jimmy D Knight, who he befriended in Britain way back in 1960 (Knight was actually born in South Africa).

Now reader Philip Daniel has traced four American military Jimmy Knights on the internet, three of whom are deceased and one of whom appears to be still alive.

Garry should go to www.ancestry.com and select the "search" option from the bar at the top. This will give him a list of records to browse. He should click on "military"and enter all details about Jimmy Knight . He will be offered four likely records.

"The first two Jimmy Knights from the US Veterans list are both deceased (1995 and 2003) while a Jimmy Dale Knight (d. 2003) is listed on a US Veterans gravesite. The fourth entry for J D Knight is listed among the US Navy Cruise books and he appears to be living."

More information is available on all four but this would require Garry to pay to sign up for a 14-day free trial.

Amazing, this internet thing.

Tailpiece

HAUNTED French pancakes give me the crêpes.

Last word

When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

 

 

The IKdler, Monday, May 14, 2012

More than a beakful

 

A wonderful bird is the pelican,

His beak holds more than his belly can …

 

THE KING'S Park crowd broke into cheers on Saturday evening as a stately pelican flew over the main stand early in the match against The Force. What he was doing out and about at that time of day is a mystery, but he certainly turned out to be a portent of what was to come. The Sharks produced rather more than a beakful of tries.

 

What a game! And what a performance by Lwazi Mvovo! The little speedster has been heavily marked in recent times, not given much room to move, but on Saturday he made the space – one interception, one chip-kick gloriously gathered on the full and two 70-metre dashes.

 

Wonderful stuff. I hope the pelican enjoyed it as much as we did.

 

 

Figure of note

 

IT'S BEEN bothering me. There's something very familiar about Rebekah Brookes, the Fleet Street figure who was editor of the News of the World and of the Sun, before she became chief executive of Rupert Murdoch's News International group, before she walked the plank over the phone-hacking business. Where do I know her from?

 

Heavy, spaniel-like auburn tresses hanging about her shoulders. A sombre facial expression as she fields questions at the Leveson inquiry into the ethics and methods of the British media.

 

Then bingo! That's it! She used to be on all our old banknotes. Rebekah Brookes is the spitting image of Van Riebeeck.

 

Togged out

 

WHICH in turn recalls Adam Small's wonderful lines describing Cape Town's statues: "Jan van Riebeeck, bakgat aangetrek met sy plus-fours …"

 

Royal blue light?

 

LAST Thursday's column headed "Singin' the Blues" was accompanied by a photograph of Queen Elizabeth in a carriage on her way to the opening of Parliament in London.

 

Reader George Hutchison suggests that a flashing blue light on her carriage would have been in keeping with the Blues theme and would have got the Queen to Parliament much quicker.

 

A real man

 

OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-40s: "Women wear false hair, nails and lashes. They buy falsies. They use botox on their lips. And they say they want a real man?"

 

Giant whelks

 

BEWARE the giant whelks of Maritzburg. They can inflict serious injury. I was attacked by one last week and have been limping about the place ever since.

 

Perhaps I should explain. I was at the offices of the KZN Heritage Council when this huge whelk attacked me in a dimly-lit hallway. Well, in the interests of total accuracy, it was lying there on the floor and I tripped over it, pulling a muscle in the thigh.

 

What was a giant whelk doing at the Heritage Council offices in Maritzburg? Well, these heritage folk employ archaeologists and they collect such things. This particular giant whelk was from Maputaland. It was a fossil, possibly millions of years old. Maputaland is an ancient seabed, full of marine fossils.

 

So I was attacked by a fossilised giant whelk, possibly millions of years old. As I say – beware!

 

US Marine

 

IT'S A LONG shot but does anyone know anything about Jimmy Knight, who was born in South Africa and served in the US Marine Corps in the 1960s?

 

Garry Rabie and a friend, Trevor Culverwell, climbed Mount Snowdon, in Wales, in 1960. On the mountain they were approached by Knight, who had spotted South African insignia on their anoraks.

 

He told them he had been born in South Africa and was serving with the Marines in Britain. He gave Garry his dogtag, which reads: "KNIGHT, JIMMY D, 1849293 A, USMC, BAPTIST."

 

The other day Garry found the tag amongst his memorabilia. "Is there any way of finding out if he is still in the land of the living?"

 

Wow! A lot has happened involving the US Marines since 1960, not least Vietnam. But you never know.

 

 

Tailpiece

 

Attorney: "How can I help you?"

Van der Merwe: "Man, I want to get in on this thing – you know, people suing the tobacco companies for wrecking their lungs, suing McDonald's for making them fat."

Attorney: "Who do you want to sue?"

Van der Merwe: "Klipdrift – for all the ugly women I've slept with."

 

Last word

 

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science.

Albert Einstein