Serena's surges
AMERICAN tennis star Serena Williams gets her energy surges from dog food.
Er, perhaps that's a slight exaggeration. It was a different kind of surge. The time she tried the salmon and rice dish meant for her Yorkshire terrier, Chip, she found herself running for the loo two hours later. And this was not long before she had to play in the quarter-final of the Italian Open – where she nevertheless stormed through.
It happened at the hotel in Rome where she and Chip were staying, according to a video she posted on Snapchat.
She says she liked the look of the salmon and rice dished up for Chip.
"I thought: 'What the heck, I'm gonna try a piece. It looks good'. So I ate a spoonful. Don't judge me!
"Let's fast forward two hours. I just ran to the toilet like I thought I was gonna pass out.
"I mean it did taste weird. I force-swallowed it. It tasted kind of like house-cleaner thing. I don't know what they put in these dog foods, but Chip liked it."
A curious story, not least in that Serena has a pet Yorkshire terrier. The way she plays on court, one would expect a rottweiler.
All quiet
THEY ran out of fireworks at Kings Park on Saturday evening as the Sharks scored eight tries. The simulated mortar barrage went quiet. But then as the final whistle went at 53-0, back it came – the last few rounds, saved for the finale.
What does one say of a match as one-sided as this? We scored some spectacular tries from far out. Pat Lambie in particular pinned his ears back a couple of times. Also Paul Jordaan. The Kings never gave up tackling but they ran out of tacklers.
Do we have a side too many in the competition? The sponsors and the networks will no doubt have their own ideas.
Couldnae care
THE narrow vote by the Honourable Company of Edinburgh Golfers against their club, Muirfield, accepting women as members has caused predictable affront. They have already been punished by being told they are no longer in the running to host the British Open.
But the old buffers who voted against – 34% but enough, in terms of the club constitution, to sink the idea – argue airily that they're a gentlemen's club where golf is played – not a golf club. They couldnae care a hoot, in other words.
Club officials, frustrated at the outcome of the vote, are at pains to point out that women – the wives of members plus outsiders – do play regularly at the club and use its facilities. Sky TV footage showed women out there on the links.
But nobody asks the obvious question: Where do they tee off? Do they play from the ladies' tees, as at other courses, or do they have to play from the men's.
If the former, the course has already been laid out for women's golf. The buffers are on the wrong side of history. It must be just a matter of time.
Wheesht mon! Trrreason!
Shakespeare
A CONTRIBUTION comes this way from the Fairest Cape. Foxie, of Constantia, sees our current national situation as a kind of Shakespearean prelude.
Macjake
Act 1, Scene 1 - Five Warlocks and a Witch
When shall we six meet again,
In thunder , lightning or in rain?
When the dirty deeds are done,
We shall gather and have some fun.
Fair is foul and foul is fair,
No worries with the filthy air,
No trouble in dark and fog 'n mist,
We'll glide on down the bloodied piste.
Double, double, no toil or trouble,
Schools may burn and cauldrons bubble,
But we six are ever charmed
To live, and love life, unharmed.
Sowaar? But at least a lioness hath not whelped in the streets, nor did the sheeted dead squeak and gibber in the streets.
Not so far, anyway.
Bleeping
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties: "I was standing in a queue behind this huge fat lady with an enormous backside. Her cellphone started to bleep and a little boy said: 'Look out, she's reversing!'"
Tailpiece
TWO intellectuals are on the nudist beach at Mpenjati.
"I say, old boy, have you read Marx?"
"Yes, it's these darned wicker chairs."
Last word
If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.
No comments:
Post a Comment